Hey there friend, are you looking for Nick Mendez?
Don't be alarmed, but that person is gone.

Nick moved to Portland, Oregon in the summer of 2012 with two goals: to get a dog and a Volkswagen.

There really wasn't much more of a plan.

Twelve years and two cars later — now with a loyal Lola dog by their side and years of nonbinary identity under their belt — Nick started to ask themselves questions about their gender.

In the trans community, they call it your 'egg cracking'. For me, femininity was like a door, in the house that is my soul, that I'd boarded up long ago. You tell yourself, 'that's just not in the cards for me'. A lack of transgender role models put the nails in the boards.

I love myself very much. I'd move mountains to pursue my dreams, and support the people that I love in-kind.

Occasionally, this love has gotten me invested in untrustworthy companions, but when it comes to my own transness, it's been a lighthouse in the dark.

Even after I'd started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and experienced substantial changes to my physical appearance, I still felt like Nick. An evolved Nick, an improved Nick, but still Nick.

Then, in the spring of 2025, I went through a period that felt like death. For weeks, I woke up every night at 2:30am in a sheer panic, heart pumping and sweat pouring from my (now much more shapely) chest.

I didn't know what to do. I called friends, I sought therapy, read books, drew visualizations of what I was going through. I asked myself deep and profound questions about who and what I was meant to be.

Unbeknownst to me, Nick Mendez was dying.

It's been one of the trippiest and profound experiences of my life, and one I'm so grateful for. I'm especially appreciative of my friends' kindness, grace and wisdom throughout the process.

And so I find myself stepping into a new life. A new being: Eliana Mendez. You can call me Ellie or Elle, for short. Eliana was the name my parents planned to give me if I had been assigned female at birth.

Eliana is the Creative Director behind a new brand: Human Centric Media. Our work is focused around three disciplines: Commercial, Events and Community.

Luckily, all the lessons I learned as Nick, the memories and experiences, are still with Eliana. Ellie is an even better photographer and videographer, you'll see.

If you've read this far, I sincerely appreciate you. I invite you to explore my refreshed website, sign up for my newsletter The SE Portland Dispatch, or reach out and let me know how this made you feel.

There's a big 'Get In Touch' button right beneath this letter. A direct line to Eliana's heart.

I promise to make the most of this fresh start.

XOXO Ellie